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The 3 Stages of Attracting a Man

Stage 2 - When "He's Not Quite Sure"

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In a previous article, I mentioned that there are 3 stages in awakening a man's attraction to you. Stage 1 is about the initial contact and flirting, and getting to the first date. This article is about stage 2 of the attraction process - the getting to know him. It's the stage where you drive him crazy so that he always wants to be with you. Or so it should be. So why don't many new relationships work out that way? We are going to look at what's going on in his mind so that you can be prepared for this minefield and know how to navigate your way through it.

Getting to Know Him

Let's assume now that you're about to meet up for the first time. Hopefully, up to now, you've let him do the chasing. You're at an advantage if he's asked you for your phone number and he's initiated the date. Why? Because he's had to do some work to get this far so he'll be a little more invested.

Now, at this point, you don't know him or what he's looking for so you can't assume that he's in the market for a serious relationship. You're going to have to keep your eyes open and listen to what he is saying. But for the sake of simplicity and this article, let's assume that he's open to the possibility of a future relationship. How you play it now will most likely determine whether or not you get to stage 3 - the committed relationship.

Assume That He's Not Sure

When a man starts getting to know you, he may know that he definitely isn't looking for a serious relationship. Or he may not be sure. One thing that is unlikely on date 1 or 2, or even several dates later, is that he knows for sure that he is looking for a serious relationship with you. He's just dating and he doesn't know you. Men are wise and don't commit to relationships until they are sure. That's why I call this the "he's not quite sure" stage of the relationship.

Unfortunately, this doesn't work the same for women. Many women decide very quickly - usually on date 1 or 2 that this is the guy for them, even if he does need a little fixing. They quickly write off his flaws as cute and give him the benefit of the doubt in every situation. This cannot serve you as he will not be thinking in the same way. Therefore this stage is often characterised by you feeling certain that you want to move things on but you'll be sensing that he's holding back on you a bit.

At this stage, unless he is showing you otherwise by pursuing you (in more than the bedroom department), you can assume that you're in a "he's not quite sure" type of relationship. You probably know the signs. The more you push, the more he'll pull away. Small blips in the relationship can quickly topple the balance of the relationship. Things can quickly snowball into emotional battles and problems. Even if you feel he's really keen, you still have to be careful. If he's not ready for the relationship that you're already thinking is already cut and dried then you're likely to activate the "he's not sure" reaction - you need to be on the lookout for this and ready to handle it.

What To Do When He's Not Sure

So, now that you realise that he's not sure, what do you do? Go against your instincts to give, to fix and to put him first. Put yourself first by looking after you. Pull back and restore the balance in the relationship. Let him wonder where you are and what you are up to. Let him come after you. You are valuable and you deserve someone who will treat you well and not hurt you. That's why it's always right and proper to get to know him before giving your heart. Let him make the effort because if you make it for him, he simply won't value you.

You can only tell how much he values you by how much effort he makes for you. Go into relationships right from the beginning valuing yourself and knowing your worth and letting him do most of the legwork. That is the real way to success in drawing him in and getting his attraction for you pumping. If he is unsure about you then chasing after him like you are desperate will only make him less sure not more. So give him the space to miss you and think it out.

You Can't Avoid This So Be Prepared

You can't generally avoid the "he's not sure" stage of the relationship - because he's always not sure at the beginning - he won't be sure until he gets to know you. You should adopt those standards yourself because they will serve you well. Committing yourself too quickly can lead to a relationship getting stuck at "he's not sure" which can be painful and end up in a permanent push-pull battle. But when you hold back and follow his lead as where he is up on the relationship, you will draw him in more.

Not fair? A lot of women think not but really this is win-win for both of you. You both get to know each other before you commit. That's a sensible, mature, adult thing to do, right? And after all, if you're not desperate, where's the rush?

Need more help in the early dating stages? Then check out resources from dating experts...


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HARD TO GET - Mimi Tanner
The Timeless Art of Conquering His Heart

Get the right attitude, get the relationship! In my opinion Mimi Tanner is the queen of dating advice when it comes to how to handle those troublesome dating phases. When it comes to retaining the air of mystery and drawing your guy in so that he can't get you off his mind, she knows a thing or two. Easy to get is easy to forget. But get it right and you'll get his attention alright!
>Hard to Get - The Timeless Art of Conquering His Heart

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