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Surviving Affair Advice

Can You Get Through Your Pain and Survive an Affair?


Surviving Affair Image of Couple Fighting

If you are going through this traumatic experience then surviving an affair may not seem possible. When your husband cheats it is a devastating experience which leads you to question every aspect of your self-belief. Betrayal can be hard to bear and causes a flood of questions and negative emotions which eat away at you until you feel that you can't take any more. Anger and grief are prevalent, not to mention the fact that your self esteem is in tatters. You wonder whether you will ever feel normal again or be able to trust and how you are ever going to get through this period of your life.

Where to from here?

So, where do you go from here? Well, it might be easier to walk away. After all, the trust may never be restored. Perhaps you haven't had so much as an apology and you wonder why he holds your feelings in such low regard. You may want your revenge. You may want to hurt him as much as he has hurt you. Or you might just wish that he would apologise from the bottom of his heart, tell you he made the biggest mistake of his life and that everything is going to be OK. Would you believe him if he did?

Can I save my marriage?

The fact of the matter remains, that however hurt, cheated and violated you feel, you may still want to save your marriage for many reasons. The love you have for your partner, the time you have invested, the children who depend on you both, the shared memories and financial considerations all contribute to a desire to make things better and get things back on track.

Healing yourself first

So, to start off, you need to put yourself first for a while and work on healing yourself. Therefore, don't avoid your grief. Feel and acknowledge those feelings of hurt and you will get through them much more quickly. Although you feel crushed, remind yourself that you are still the same wonderful person that you were before this happened to you. You have to realise that there is still a lot of good stuff in your life and now is the time when you need to look for the positives as never before. You are capable of surviving this affair. You can start to take control of your emotions and rebuild your level of self esteem. Time is a great healer and will help in your battle to feel normal again.

Make sure you spend some time looking after yourself and being with people who love and care about you and who will listen to you. Until you can come to terms with your grief and anger and accept what has happened to you then you will hardly be in any fit state for any kind of constructive communication with your husband. Even if he is remorseful for what he has done, he may be struggling to deal with the guilt that he feels and his inability to communicate with you may be down to this or to a fear of your reactions.

Blame and Communication

Although you have every right to feel aggrieved, blaming, shouting and crying is not going to make him want to have the communication with you that will begin to make amends. It will be hard to get the relationship back on track if you are an emotional wreck. So take some time out, if you can, to think and to heal and feel strong again. He is more likely to want to make things work when you are being strong and respecting yourself than when you are beating yourself - or him - up.

Forgiveness

Once you are feeling a little bit happier then working on forgiveness is essential, whether or not you plan to get your relationship back on track. Carrying around the burden of blaming your man will harm you as well as him and you need to try to let your feelings go. This is not always easy but you do have a choice whether to cling onto your feelings of hurt and blame or to release your hold on them. Don't forget that your spouse is just a human being and all humans get it wrong from time to time. He will have his reasons for the affair and talking about these will be a part of the healing process. You are much more likely to be able to have this communication when you come from a place of forgiveness rather than hurt and blame.

Staying together?

Surviving an affair does not mean that you have to stay together. You have a choice in this. Even though it may seem hard to go it alone, you will cope. If you decide that you still want to save your relationship, then it's going to have to be a joint decision. He needs to show commitment to making the relationship work; he needs to show that the affair is over and he needs to show genuine remorse. If you are not getting these things from him, then it will be difficult to make any progress and the hurt and emotions that you feel will probably mean that you need to let him go.

Talking it through

So, when you are feeling strong enough to communicate with him in a constructive way; when you have passed the urge to cry and shout at him with every verbal communication, and when he has expressed his willingness to make the relationship work, then you will need to talk. The trust and honesty need to be restored in the relationship. You will need to discuss what has happened and why and how you are going to move forward from here. Discussing the details of the affair will mean that you have a better chance of your relationship surviving but you must be careful to only ask the things that you genuinely want to know and are not going to create even more bad images in your mind that you will not be able to cope with. This is going to be uncomfortable for you both and can make things worse to begin with.

What should you be able to expect from him?

You should be able to expect him to support you through these times and listen to what you want. If he is unwilling to make any concessions such as letting you know where he is and what he is doing, then you may wish to consider whether you are prepared to carry on, as you will of course, feel that you can't trust him. He has broken your trust and should be prepared to make amends. However, some men can't be trusted and you have to consider whether his reactions show that he genuinely wants you and your relationship. If he doesn't then however hard, it is probably better to let go.

Rebuilding the relationship

Even if he is supportive of you, you may still have a hard time trying to forgive. However, this is important, as hanging on to blame is as destructive to you as it is to your relationship. Whether or not you decide to stay together, you need to try and let go of what has happened, whilst learning from the experience and building on it. Whilst an affair can destroy a relationship, it can also be a tremendous opportunity to build it into something much better with deeper levels of love, trust and understanding. When you can be the bigger person, then even if your relationship doesn't survive you will grow into something much better.




Need help surviving an affair and to feel normal again?

If you want your marriage to survive an affair, then there is hope. Thousands of people have rebuilt their marriages using a revolutionary 3 phase system developed by Dr Frank Gunzburg, Ph.D. For over 35 years this cognitive-behavioural therapist has helped over 15,000 couples through this program, even after the most painful problems. Learn the quickest way to rebuild your self-esteem and preserve your marriage or relationship, even if your partner does not seem to be fully on-board. This approach has been extremely effective at restoring the trust, honesty and helping couples make their relationship better than ever. If you don't take the right steps in the right order then your chances of saving your marriage after an affair can be dramatically diminished. Click here to find out more.

Dr Gunzburg's system outlines the specific steps you need to take in the exact order you need to take them to heal your marriage. Each phase takes a realistic approach for any couple. Phase 1 deals with BOTH individual's pain, Phase 2 teaches the couple how to talk and work together through the difficult problems, and phase 3 teaches any couple how to make their relationship BETTER than ever. Click here to find out more.

This system will teach you:

This program, called How to Survive an Affair, walks you through every action necessary to repair your marriage after your spouse has cheated on you. If you want to save your relationship, you need this information now. It is the quickest route back to feeling normal again and dealing with the harrowing thoughts and emotions that you are suffering. Surviving the affair really is possible with this information. Check out How to Survive an Affair today and start to rebuild your life.

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What to Do RIGHT Now After the Affair

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  • Erase the images from your mind…
  • Rebuild your self-esteem…
  • How to talk about the details…
  • How to find out why it happened…
  • Why you don’t need to forgive…
  • 10 things you must do TODAY…
  • Decide if you should stay or go…
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